Stop Seeing Men Who Aren't Making Their Intentions Clear

I met Eddie(not his real name) in June 2022 and am writing this story in June 2023.

Image via Unsplash

If you ask me what’s hurting me right now, I’ll just tell you my expectations. 

I hurt myself by expecting someone I loved to love me like I did for him. And a year later, he hasn't said anything, not even initiated romance. I am at a loss, sad and wish I had realized earlier that nothing would happen between us.

I’ll tell you the story...

I was going to work one morning. I can't remember the exact date, but it was mid-June. I was kinda late and was rushing. I heard a guy greet me, and when I looked up, he said, ‘’You're so beautiful’. I said thanks. His charismatic smile and gentle demeanor immediately caught my attention. 

We conversed a little more, and he asked for my number, which I gave him without hesitating.  Little did I know that our encounter would mark the beginning of a mysterious journey that’d leave me questioning his intentions.

Coffee Dates with Lingering Questions

Eddie called me a week later, and we met that evening for coffee. On the same day, we set another coffee date. And we agreed we’d meet every Friday evening. As the weeks turned into months, Eddie and I found ourselves entwined in a routine of regular coffee dates. We shared laughter, deep conversations, and even moments of vulnerability. 

During these dates, he often looked into my eyes and whispered words that set my heart ablaze: "I love being with you" or "You're special to me." But despite his declarations of affection, he never openly stated his intentions or made a move towards a deeper connection.

Expectations in the Shadows

With every coffee date, my expectations grew like an untamed vine, reaching out for clarity and commitment. I was falling in love with him, and I yearned for a relationship where our connection could blossom, where the words spoken over steaming cups of coffee would align with actions. But Eddie's words remained elusive as the months passed, leaving me between hope and frustration.

Yearning for More

At some point, I realized I yearned for something more than his words. I realized Eddie never initiated any kind of intimacy. The far we’d gone is just a simple hug. But I needed more. I needed those lingering touches and passionate kisses that would cement our connection. Instead, our encounters were purely friendly, leaving a void of unfulfilled desires. I began questioning why he’d speak of love yet shy away from taking the next step.

An Unsettling Realization; The Love Was One-sided

I have been struggling to accept that Eddie didn't love me. And last night, truth seeped into my heart, awakening a painful realization I had long denied. Eddie's actions spoke volumes, revealing a truth I struggled to accept. His hesitance to commit, his reluctance to embrace the closeness we both yearned for, created a void between us. 

It felt as if his words and his true intentions were miles apart. The weight of unreciprocated love pressed upon my soul, threatening to shatter my delicate balance. It felt like an unbearable burden, tearing at the very core of my being.

I had hoped for more, dreamed of a love that’d consume us both. But as days turned into nights and nights into months, it became clear that the love I craved was unbalanced. My heart overflowed with affection, pouring out like a river, while Eddie's love seemed to trickle, a mere droplet in comparison. The ache within me grew, a pain that only deepened with every unspoken desire and unanswered longing.

The heaviness in my heart has become too much to bear. It’s as if I carry the weight of our unbalanced love upon my shoulders, and it threatens to crush my spirit. I know deep down that I deserved more, that love should be a dance of equals. 

Yet, I wonder why I held on this long.

Last night, I found the strength to let go, to release myself from the grip of unreciprocated love.

It's a painful choice. But doing this will open my heart to finding someone to treat me better. 

The Lessons You Should Learn

• Seek balance in love: A healthy relationship requires both parties to invest equally in love and commitment. It is essential to avoid situations where one person's affections significantly outweigh the other's.

• Pay attention to actions, not just words: Actions often speak louder than words. Look for consistency between what someone says and how they act. It's essential to evaluate whether their actions align with their professed feelings.

• Don't settle for less: Never settle for a love that is unreciprocated or leaves you feeling unfulfilled. You deserve a relationship where your desires and emotions are valued and returned with equal intensity.

• Trust your instincts: If something feels off or you sense a lack of sincerity in a relationship, trust your gut instincts. Your intuition can guide you towards making choices in your best interest.

• Prioritize your well-being: Your emotional well-being should be a top priority. Recognize when a relationship is causing you more pain than happiness, and have the strength to let go and seek healthier connections.

• Value open and honest communication: Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication. Express your needs and expectations clearly, and encourage your partner to do the same. Clear communication helps build trust and understanding.

• Healing takes time: Heartbreak and disappointment can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Allow yourself the time and space to heal, reflect, and grow from the experience. Each step forward brings you closer to finding a love that is reciprocated and genuine.

• You are worthy of love: Remember that you’re deserving of love that is genuine, fulfilling, and reciprocal. Never settle for less than you deserve, and believe in the worthiness of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Finally,

This story serves as a reminder that our hearts are resilient and capable of enduring love's joys and pains. Through these experiences, we grow, learn, and become better equipped to navigate life.

While it may be heartbreaking to realize that someone we care deeply for may not reciprocate our feelings in the same way, it is essential to remember that this does not reflect our worth or value as individuals.

Love is a complex dance; sometimes, the steps are not in sync. But that does not diminish the beauty and depth of our capacity to love.

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