I Battled With Low Self Esteem During My Teen Years

 Black is Beautiful…

This is me...Black is beautiful

I'm dark in complexion. 

And this took a toll on me in my teen years. 

It became worse when I started growing bigger due to adolescence. 

I always felt like I wasn't beautiful compared to brown girls. You know, in those days, the standard of beauty was being lighter. 

To be honest, I sometimes hated myself, felt worthless. 

It took me years to start believing that I was beautiful, to look in the mirror and say it. 

I didn't understand why I didn't believe in myself. 

But later, I came to understand where my insecurities stemmed from. 

Keep reading to find out more about my battle with low self-esteem during my teen years.

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Factors that Contributed to my Low Self Esteem

There were alot of factors that made me feel less beautiful. 

They include:

1. Skin Color

Being dark-skinned in a society that values lighter skin tones can lead to feelings of inadequacy or unattractiveness due to societal beauty standards. 

Growing up, I often felt like I didn't fit in because my skin tone was darker than what was considered beautiful or ideal. 

I would see advertisements, movies, and magazines featuring predominantly lighter-skinned individuals, which made me feel like I didn't meet the standard of beauty. 

This constant reinforcement of lighter skin being more desirable made me question my own beauty and value. 

It was challenging to feel confident when I felt like I didn't match the societal norm of beauty.

2. Body Image

The changes that come with adolescence, such as growth and weight gain, can often make individuals feel self-conscious about their bodies, especially when comparing themselves to others. 

As I went through puberty, my body started to change, and I began to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. 

I would compare myself to other girls who seemed to have more "ideal" body shapes, which made me feel inadequate. 

I felt like I was never thin enough or curvy enough to be considered attractive. 

This constant comparison made me hyper-aware of every flaw and imperfection, which took a toll on my self-esteem.

3. Social Comparison

Comparing yourself to others, particularly those who you perceive as meeting society's beauty standards, can lead to feelings of inferiority and low self-worth. 

I constantly compared myself to my peers and celebrities, measuring my worth based on how I stacked up against them. 

If someone was perceived as more beautiful or popular than me, I would feel like I wasn't good enough. 

This constant comparison made me feel like I was always falling short and contributed to my low self-esteem.

4. Cultural Influences

Cultural ideals and perceptions of beauty can significantly impact how individuals view themselves, especially if they feel they do not fit these ideals. 

In my culture, there were certain standards of beauty that were highly valued, and I didn't feel like I met those standards. 

Features that were considered beautiful, such as fair skin or a particular body shape, were not features that I naturally possessed. 

This discrepancy between what was culturally valued and what I looked like made me feel like I didn't belong or wasn't as valuable as others who met those standards.

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5. Lack of Self-Acceptance

Difficulty accepting and embracing one's unique features and qualities can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. 

I struggled to accept myself for who I was, constantly wishing I could change certain aspects of myself to fit in better or be more accepted. 

This lack of self-acceptance made it difficult for me to see my own worth and beauty, leading to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.

6. External Validation

Relying on external validation, such as approval from others or meeting certain standards of beauty, can lead to a fragile sense of self-worth. 

I often sought validation from others, seeking approval and praise to feel good about myself. 

However, this external validation was fleeting and never enough to truly boost my self-esteem. 

I realized that true self-worth comes from within and is not dependent on others' opinions or standards.

7. Negative peers

Negative peers can have a profound impact on self-esteem, especially during the formative years of adolescence. 

I experienced this firsthand, facing criticism, ridicule, and bullying from peers who made me feel inferior and unworthy. 

Their words and actions reinforced my own insecurities and self-doubt, creating a vicious cycle of negativity.

Being constantly surrounded by negativity made it challenging to develop a positive self-image. 

I started to believe the hurtful things my peers said about me, internalizing their negative perceptions. 

This led to a distorted view of myself, where I believed I was inherently flawed and unlikable.

The constant fear of judgment and rejection from my peers affected my self-confidence and self-worth. 

I became overly concerned with how others perceived me, often sacrificing my own happiness and authenticity to fit in. 

This behavior further eroded my self-esteem, as I felt like I could never truly be myself.

Over time, I began to isolate myself from others, fearing more negative interactions. This isolation only deepened my feelings of loneliness and worthlessness. 

I struggled to make meaningful connections and maintain healthy relationships, as I was always on guard against potential criticism and rejection.

How I Overcame Low Self Esteem

You see, I now believe black is beautiful… 

It took a long time to believe that. 

There were lots of things I did to be here.

1. Self-Acceptance

My journey towards self-acceptance began with a deep introspection of my beliefs and attitudes towards myself. 

I realized that I had internalized society's narrow standards of beauty, which led me to view my dark complexion as a flaw. 

However, through self-reflection, I started challenging these negative perceptions. I began to appreciate my unique features and qualities, recognizing that beauty comes in diverse forms. 

This shift in mindset allowed me to embrace my true self and reject the notion that I needed to conform to societal ideals to feel beautiful and worthy.

2. Inner Strength

Overcoming low self-esteem required me to develop inner strength and resilience. 

I had to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth that was not dependent on external validation. 

This involved recognizing my own worth and not allowing negative societal and peer pressures to define how I viewed myself. 

I had to learn to trust in my abilities and believe in my worth, even when faced with adversity. 

This inner strength empowered me to overcome challenges and stand firm in my beliefs and values.

3. Positive Self-Talk

To counter negative thoughts and beliefs about myself, I adopted positive self-talk and affirmations. 

I consciously replaced self-critical thoughts with words of encouragement and self-compassion. 

This practice helped me build a more positive self-image and develop greater self-confidence. 

I learned to be kinder to myself and acknowledge my strengths and achievements, no matter how small they seemed.

4. Setting Boundaries

Learning to set boundaries with negative influences in my life was a pivotal step in protecting my self-esteem. 

I became more selective about the people I allowed into my life, choosing to surround myself with those who uplifted and supported me. 

This shift helped me prioritize my well-being and focus on nurturing positive relationships that contributed to my growth and self-acceptance.

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5. Self-Care

Engaging in self-care practices was another key aspect of boosting my self-esteem. Taking care of my physical and mental well-being became a priority. 

I made time for activities that brought me joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness. 

These practices helped me feel more confident and positive about myself, as I learned to prioritize my needs and prioritize my self-care.

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Final Thoughts

Every time I look at myself in the mirror now, I see how beautiful I am. 

But I have come a long way. 

Through self-acceptance, inner strength, positive self-talk, seeking support, setting boundaries, counseling, and self-care, I was able to break free from the grip of low self-esteem and embrace my true worth and beauty. 

And if you are a dark girl like me, you can too. 

Cheers to a better life!